Blowing In The Wind

“All right, settle down you idiots!” Mother Nature was pacing back and forth and she was not in a good mood. “I don’t like to call meetings on a emergency basis, on a holiday weekend. This one is not going to just be put aside like I am sure some of you were counting on. Summer? I am hoping you have a really good reason for seeming to retire early and leave the show to Autumn, who, as we all know is proving to be a REALLY BIG BLOWHARD!!!!!!”

Mother Nature pointed to the back of the room where several wind sprites were having their own party. “You back there! Enough. Frances? I am talking to YOU! Pay ATTENTION! Charlie and Gaston were playing Scrabble and taking it easy. Ivan was sitting on the table blowing bubbles in his beer.

Frances was dancing, very slowly and spinning around a lot, she was a big girl and didn’t move very fast. “In a minute Mother. I just have to get a few more steps in before I am finished with Florida.”

Mother Nature put her hand on her forehead. She turned her head to look behind her for Father Time. “YO! Father Time? Could you take a minute or two and sit in on this? I don’t think I need to handle this one all by myself. There are some things you are responsible for and I think a hurricane who doesn’t know how to boogey is one of them.”

Charley and Gaston both giggled at that. Ivan let loose with a few more bubbles.

Father Time stood up and pointed to Frances who was still spinning in her slow, heavy footed way. “Frannie? If you won’t stop doing that, at least let us know that you are listening.”

“ Oh,,,,What? Oh,,,,,I mean Yes, I’m listening.” She slowly plodded into another twirl. “What is the problem? It is hurricane season and I did ask permission from Summer and Autumn. They said as soon as Charley was finished it would be OK to have a spin.”

Father Time looked over at Mother Nature, “Well, she does have a point you know. She is a big girl and she does dance slower.”

Mother Nature stood up and looked at Father Time with a mean glint in her eye. “Do you have any idea of the things I have been hearing from Florida? Do you ever read your E-Mail? I am getting the blame for your lack of timing! ‘ Look at what Mother Nature did to us this time!’ I did agree to let a few more wind sprites loose this year but I was not planning on them taking a week to dance over and out. One day, two at the most and then POOF! End of story. This is not my doing, it’s yours.”

Father Time nodded his head in agreement. “Yeah. I know that Frances is taking a bit more time than she should have. I thought that if she was following Charley she would just whip on through the way he did. She was supposed to be following Earl, but he sort of blew himself out and Charley was still around. I am really sorry that it didn’t go according to the plan. You know how these wind sprites can get. Especially the ladies. Women’s Lib was what started it and they have been getting more and more ballsy ever since the ‘6o’s” “DON’T BLAME WOMEN’S LIB! You have been getting sloppy with you timing for a few years now. Look how long you gave Winter the past couple years? A bit much, by any one’s calendar. Spring is getting too lazy to stick around and do it right and then Summer is ready to give it up in July and let Autumn come in and do all the damage. It’s you with your lousy timing!” She sat down and put a pout on her face.

Father Time sighed. He knew what was coming next. She was going to have one of her snits and make his life sheer hell. The eternal feud between Mother Nature and Father Time didn’t need much of a reason to get stirred up. He grabbed the gavel and rapped it a couple times, “Now listen to me, I have got to get this whole mess back on track. Frannie, Could you stop twirling for just a few minutes? You can pick it up and finish later.”

Frances slowed her spinning, not that she was going very fast in the first place, “Okey Dokey Father Time. I’m paying attention.” She kept her skirts spinning even when she was standing still.

“You will complete your little project as soon as you can. Ivan? If you have any plans to follow her I suggest you pick up the pace a bit. Mother Nature is right and it is my fault that this is taking so long. Some years the wind sprites don’t get enough exercise and then I try to make it up to them all at once. That is probably a bad idea and I am going to rethink it for next year. Autumn likes it when the leaves all get a chance to turn colors before they get blown off the trees. Winter seems to think that he can start earlier and end later. There is a new overtime law that went into effect. YOU ARE ALL ON SALARY! THERE WILL BE NO OVERTIME PAY! If you want to hang around later or start earlier, the check will be no bigger. Think about that. There has been an excess of hot air this year because of the political conventions and that hasn’t helped keep things moving well. It’s worse than La Nina. Ivan? I expect you to stay on a tight schedule and not take your sweet time meandering through the Bahamas and waltzing through Florida. Mother Nature and I are going to spend some time in Key West this year and I would like to think there will still be a place or two still intact on Duval Street. I hope you have all taken notes. Thank YOU for your kind attention. This meeting is dismissed!”

He banged the gavel down and held his arm out for Mother Nature, “My dear? Are you ready to go?”

She stood up and took his arm and as they headed for the door, Ivan, who had switched to Vodka instead of beer, let out a whiff.

Just before the door closed, Mother Nature’s filmy gown blew up in the back, exposing her sunrise pink thong and tanned butt cheeks . The door slammed shut.

Frances pointed to Ivan, “You are a little devil! I hope she doesn’t think that it was me. Hey, want to dance with me for a bit? I’ll let you catch up.”



© Cartoon by Swampetta (

September 2004

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