Don't sit on the air-conditioner vents to cool off your butt. You're blocking the flow of cold air to the rest of the room.

Don't stalk your mistress. She is not prey. She feeds you and cleans your litter box. Don't risk getting WHACKED on the head for biting her toes.

Don't assume a place is set for you at the kitchen table. It isn't. Even though there are three empty chairs, you'd better stay on the floor where you belong. She likes to eat alone.

On 90-degree days, it's best not to place your warm furry body against hers. She does not appreciate your affection at such times.

When she is watching TV in bed, do not stand on her belly. Your 15 pounds is too heavy and your head blocks the screen.

When she is on the computer, stay away. She does not want you touching the keyboard and stalking the mouse.

Don't chew the silk flowers. They're expensive.

She knows you are handsome. Stop kissing yourself in the bedroom mirror. She is tired of wiping your noseprints off the glass.

~ Frannie (

June 2004


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A Letter Unread


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